Soon after the joy of finding out we were pregnant passed, worry set in. And it hasn’t left. I believe it’s here to stay. At least until the wee one grows up and has a family of its own. You see, I started worrying at the little things. When I sneezed I imagined the baby popping out. Not kidding. When I walked down the circular stairs that lead from my flat, I was terrified that at any moment I would trip. Cramps were confusing, was it a growing pain or was it worse?
Luckily when the second trimester arrived a lot of the weight on my shoulders lifted. But it soon returned when I realized that between this week and that I should be feeling my baby move. Your thoughts always seem the scariest, craziest and absurd when you can’t sleep. I’ve been suffering from insomnia off and on since getting pregnant. I wake up anywhere between 3AM and 5AM and stay awake until 6:30AM. But there has been a bit of a distraction. When I’m lying still I can feel some movement and instantly I become serene and feel as light as a feather. But then a day goes by and I’m back to worrying, wondering if there’s something wrong with the baby. Why isn’t it moving more? And then it happens again. I feel some movement and everything becomes good again.
I don’t think I will ever stop worrying about this babe. Not ever. But we will always have those moments when all is well and life will just seem lovely and dream-like.