Mommy friends needed. Apply within.

Man, the mommy world can be tough. Being a stay-at-home parent can be pretty darn isolating. Like a fool I thought I would instantly make friends once I started going out and about. Well let me tell you, I haven’t. I joined a mommy group and have yet to connect with anyone. It’s so weird. In London I was able to make friends with other expats so I assumed it would kinda be the same way here, except I’d have a kid in common instead of a visa. Nope. To make matters more awkward my self-esteem has taken a hit. Quite a few of the moms look like they stepped out of an athletic magazine. I definitely stick out like a sore chubby thumb. But putting that aside I still have hope I will meet my true mommy friend.

So mamas, how do you meet other like-minded mamas? I’m still holding out that I will connect with someone soon. Hopefully someone who will be staying home as well. From what I gathered a handful of the moms in the group will be going back to work. Great for them, but bad for me if I want to engage in some adult conversations during the day.

We recently joined a Baby and Me music class. It has been so much fun. I chatted with one mom who’s from Peru. She doesn’t know it yet but I totally want to be her friend. I can see us chatting over coffee, in Spanish (haltingly bad Spanish for me). *Sigh* I can dream.

I wish my college friends lived closer. There will be five babies among us by the end of the year and none of us live close to each. Sadness.

As much as I LOVE the weather here (warm sunny days all.the.time.) I miss Austin. It remains the place I felt the most at home since leaving NYC.

Here’s hoping some newfound friends can change that around. I’d love to feel at home and not living in some kind of weird limbo.

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14 thoughts on “Mommy friends needed. Apply within.

  1. Well, I was definitely struggling with finding other mommies to hang out with when my son was still really little. It did get better once I did a different activity with Alfred every day. That’s my suggestion. Go to as many social activities as you and your little guy can handle! Also, try to take your time with making friends. We made one or two close friends and then invited them to coffee or lunch to get to know them better. I’d say if you feel a connection, put yourself out there and be open. Don’t fear rejection. Chances are good that other mommies you meet have been or at least empathize with being a little lonely:) Keep your chin up, mama.

  2. I agree – its really hard to make friends with other mums! As one of my new friends (one of just 2) said “it’s like dating and is very hard work!” You’re lovely, you will definitely find friends soon, but I think this initial bit is just a difficult time to make them – we’re all too much in our own little worlds, not helped by baby brain!

  3. It’s tough! I “know” a lot of other mums I can chat to if I see them out and about but it has stayed at quite a superficial level. There’s no one I would invite over for lunch. I joined a group and found that I was the only one planning to stay home – the other mums weren’t interested in making friends as they didn’t see the “stay at home” phase lasting very long.
    I think you have to go to lots of social events with your kid and be the one to suggest a quick coffee afterwards. Many of those other mums could be feeling quite insecure inside too, even if they don’t look it externally. I think it gets easier when your kid gets older – you start to get invited to birthday parties or playgroup/preschool events where you have time to chat and start to get to know people more.

  4. So glad to know I’m not alone. I’ve had trouble making friends since I moved 2 years ago and now it’s even worse. I worry about the baby’s social development. There aren’t any mommy & baby activities in the small community where I live. And same situation with the stay at home business– the mommies I have met are all going back to work. Also, they have lived here their whole lives and have strong family networks so don’t really have the need to make new friends 😦

    I hope things work out with the mommy from music class! I agree that you should put yourself out there and “ask her out” so to speak πŸ™‚ If you’re feeling a connection, she probably is as well.

  5. Aww, I hope you find a kindred spirit soon! I can sympathize, even though I work I don’t really have any close mama friends either. My one good friend from work who had kids took another job so we don’t see each other very often anymore and with work and family it’s difficult to nearly impossible to get together outside of work. Most of who Inwould consider my “friends,” however superficial, are the DINKs (dual-income no kids) at work. And let’s face it, hanging out with them with their cute little bodies and seemingly unending disposable income can get really depressing. Particularly when you’re a cash-strapped mother of soon-to-be-three! So if you find the magic bullet, please let me know!

  6. Aw, HUGS, sweetie! I know this will be resolved for you soon and you’ll have more of a social agenda than you know what to do with. πŸ˜€ Sorry that I don’t have helpful advice. I continue to have such admiration for you acknowledging this need you have and not resting until you get it.

  7. We moved a couple years ago south of LA to Long Beach. It’s only about 45 minutes from the city, but it makes all the difference when people don’t want to battle LA traffic. I have one good friend down here, and no others. And as lovely as she is, she’s not a mom or soon-to-be mom.
    We were hoping to meet some people in our birth class, but after 5 weeks, there’s still no connections there. I’ll be a stay at home mom for as long as possible, so I’m anticipating your pain now.
    I’ve realized, the older we get, the harder it is to make friends. I think cause we’re over any of the superficial friendships that existed in our 20s, now, those are a waste of time. It’s hard.
    Why don’t we live closer to each other?!

  8. That lady from Peru has no idea what’s about to hit her! You two will totally be friends, and she’s going to love it. I remember you telling me that you’d decided — when we first met — that we would be friends. It was the best thing that happened to me at Hollins, Mela.

    • When I met you I just knew you and I were meant to be friends. But I never would have imagined how great of a friendship we would have! Lucky us πŸ™‚

  9. I hope you make a connection very soon. Your words touched me quite personally, as I have the same struggles, both with my self-image and with making new friends in general. I’ve never been a conversation-starter, to make matters worse. Also all the mommy groups here meet before noon, which is still the middle of the night for us, as Gianna usually goes to bed well after midnight. I wish you were here in Austin- I just know we’d be instant BFF’s, and with our babes only a week apart!

    • Gosh, not a day goes by that I don’t tell my husband how much I wish we could have moved to Austin instead. Sure the weather here is outrageously gorgeous but what fun is it if you can’t enjoy it with friends in the park, or with a meal outside. I love my husband and baby but sometimes it’s nice to have conversations with other people, you know.

      I do hope we might move to Austin one day. Imagine the tea parties we could throw!!!

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